Have you ever gone through an event, just the same as everyone else, and while they all had what seemed like a "Mountain Top Experience," you had a "Valley Experience?" The more I process the recent mission trip I went on, I realize that is how I feel. I got to watch in amazement, and honestly with some jealousy, as I saw God work in the lives of our team on their "Mountain Top Experiences." Where was my mountain top? Was I doomed to go through the valley? What purpose could God possibly have in taking me through the valley?
Now, I don't regret my valley time at all. Truth is, often times we are going through the valley, but it is a mountain top experience just at a lower altitude. The more I process what happened, the more I praise God for what He did. Over the past year I have been extremely busy with school, working two jobs and continuing my volunteer work. My days are crazy busy. I prayed all year for more time with God. More down time to just spend with Him. My prayers were finally answered on this trip. On average I was spending between 2-4 hours alone with Him each day. Alaska is great in the aspect that it gets light at 3:00am during this part of the year. I require darkness to be able to sleep. As a result, I was waking up before the alarm, every day. I spent that time with God. Reading His word, praying and just drawing closer to Him. Often I would find a little more down time in the evening and be able to go back to prayer and the word. It was precious. Quiet and slow, the opposite of my life. Some of those times it hurt. I wasn't with my team because my stomach was reacting to the food, so I was left behind. A low point, yet as I process it, I got that time with God. What is low about that? Nothing. He answered my prayers that I had been praying for a long time. They were just answered in a way I didn't expect.
On Sunday, our team went on a hike. We went to Mt. Roberts to complete a "3/4" mile hike that would take us to this wonderful tram that would bring us back down the mountain. Now, I realize that I am out of shape, but "3/4" of a mile, I could handle that. We began our hike and it was absolutely gorgeous. I was loving it. After a while I was beginning to question our hike. How long was "3/4" of a mile? Was I really that out of shape? I couldn't breath. Oxygen is a must for this kind of activity! What was going on? My team was ahead of me. I looked up at the muddy switchback we were hiking. I could see them lined up above me, looking down at me. The next thing I knew, they were cheering for me. Encouraging me to continue going forward. My team was supporting me. I was humbled. We continued on. By now we've been hiking for an hour and a half. I know that I am slowing the team down, but seriously, and I really that out of shape? What is wrong with me? Why is it so difficult for me to hike "3/4" of a mile???? Now my team is taking turns coming back to spend time with me. Encouraging me. Lauren is singing and I can't even get enough oxygen to breath! I'll try to attach the video we made of that later. Josh came and offered to carry my back-pack. That was humiliating to me. I know he meant well, but I felt like I was failing. I couldn't do it myself. I refused, but then Lindsay asked if she could take it. I let her. (I rationalize that by stating Josh was carrying his own back-pack and Lindsay didn't have one. Really, it was just stupid pride getting in my way.) I felt 100 times better not having that back-pack on. Wow! I could move faster. Two and a half hours later we reach the tram. There is this cute little sign posted there that reads "2.5" miles. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! Phew! I am not THAT out of shape! Yes!!!! We just accomplished a 2.5 mile hike. Victory!
I can't really explain it, but at several points along the way, I felt God stripping away my pride. Humbling me. Working on different areas of my soul. I need to change. I need to die to myself and follow Him wherever that may be. I need to trust Him and allow Him to do whatever it is He needs to do. It's not about me. It's all about Him. I need to live my life in a way that glorifies Him in all aspects. I realized I am not glorifying Him with my body. I have become lazy in my crazy busy life. I am not taking as good of care of my body as I should. So I am changing that. Better eating habits are coming into practice. Exercise is becoming a must. No more excuses. It's time to give it all to Him.
Now, I was sure my mountain tops would come in the form of connecting with my girls. Nope. I honestly didn't have times of connection with them. I prayed daily for them. I begged God to give me "divine appointments" with the girls. Times to chat and discuss how He was working and what they were learning. They never came. I sat and watched as my girls connected with the other leaders on our trip. Ouch. That hurt. In my selfish human self, I was hurt. Why God? Why weren't You allowing me a chance to connect with them? Can't I share in that experience? The answer was simple: No. Why? The lesson I was being reminded of is that it is not about me. It's about God and Him receiving the glory. Romans 11:36 says, "For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen." I was forgetting an important thing. Just because God called me to go on a missions trip doesn't mean He had to use me. What was important was that I was willing to go and follow His calling on my life. What happens from there is up to Him. It's not about me, and regardless of whether He chooses to use me or not, He still gets the glory from the work done. There is so much more I learned, through the process of God humbling me and stripping away pride in my life. Pride that I wasn't even aware existed in some cases. It's interesting as I continue in my valley time, life is still quiet and slow. It's uncomfortable for me. Others think something is wrong, but I tell them not to worry. Nothing is wrong. God is just working in my life right now, and that requires me to be quiet and listen. To slow down and process. To rest in His peace. To die to self and glorify Him.
"I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain."Psalm 3:4
