Rainbow

Last night in the prison was wonderful. Every five weeks we do a services entitled: Just Jesus. Basically, it's all about Jesus. Glorifying Him. Praising Him. Sharing about what He is doing in our lives. There is no format. We sing whatever songs the Holy Spirit lays on the ladies and my heart. We share testimonies and scripture and poetry all night long. Then we take time to celebrate communion before the evening is over. The whole point is to focus on Jesus and allow Him complete control of the evening. Just Jesus is one of the best evenings we have every single time. Last night was no different.

Something that God has been pressing on my heart this week is 1Thessalonians 5:24 "God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful." He calls us to different things, and when we are called by Him, it will happen. He wouldn't call us to something to then let us fail. When we do fail, it is often because we take over control and try to do things on our own, completely leaving Him out of the equation. However, when we turn things back over to Him, we are giving Him the freedom to do amazing things in our lives.
This week was a big week for me. May 25th was my 10 year anniversary. 10 years of being clean from cutting. 10 years of not attempting suicide. 10 years of living and clinging to God through the pains and hurts instead of trying to deal with it on my own. God changed me. I chose last night to share that with the inmates as a reminder that God can and will change you if you let Him. Now matter what happens, God can use you and will use you, if you allow Him to. My ladies in prison are no longer the same women they were when they entered those prison walls. God has changed them. Brought them to Him, restored them, healed them. He is already using them on the inside, and has so many more plans for them once they are released. How Awesome is our God!
Women shared their experiences and how God has been changing them. They're clinging to the hope of what He is going to do in their lives from this point on. I'm excited to see the plans of God unfold in their lives and impact the lives of those around them. There is nothing that is impossible with Him if we just allow Him the chance to work in our lives. There is no telling what He'll do!
The best part of our evening didn't even take place inside. As we worshiped God He gave us an amazingly breathtaking sunset to enjoy. His presence was glowing before our eyes. We finished with our closing song: The Benediction, then as the ladies went outside at 8:50pm, they were greeted with a complete rainbow. Excitement ran through the prison yard. God blessed us with a reminder that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. A perfect Rainbow completely encompassing the entire prison. He is there. He is working. He has a plan. He is Awesome. He is faithful to that which He has called us, and He will make it happen!

Enough

When is enough enough? What brings us to that point? What aspects of our lives are enough?

These questions have been going through my mind. First off, I came to the realization that I don't feel as though I am good enough. I don't meet the expectations of those around me. I am not able to do all that they want me to do. I am not able to fulfill all the different aspects of their qualifications that would make me "adequate" in their eyes. This reality hurts me.

Then I was reminded that God is enough. He is my every thing. He is my only thing. I need nothing else in life save Him. Now, I "know" this truth, but deep down, do I really "know" it?

Today in church we read through Psalm 143. Here is what it says:

"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous. Don't put your servant on trial, for no one is innocent before you. My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as a parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O Lord; preserve my life. Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress. In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant."

Verse 4 is where I am at right now: "I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear." Why? Because, "My enemy has chased me, He has knocked me to the ground..."(v.3) I have been brought to my weakest point. The enemy has attacked me again in my thought life, the place where he seems to attack me the most. To get me discouraged and to get me to question the reality of God in my life. I am not doubting God himself, but rather doubting that He is here. He seems so distant from me at the moment. The sad part is it's not him that moved but rather me. In trying to survive my crazy busy life, God has not remained my main priority.

My quiet times have gone from reading chapters a day to one verse a day. In God's wisdom, this was my verse today: 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." If I love God, I will never give up no matter where He leads me, I will never lose my faith in Him no matter what is happening, I will remain hopeful in the plan and purpose He has for me, and I will endure through every journey He takes me on.

Part of enduring the journey is to be prepared for the battle and attacks of the enemy. I need to have my sword (His word) ready for the fight. I was challenged to find new ways this week to fast (mostly different aspects of my life) in order to find more time with Him. So my fast is to stay off of Facebook for the entire week. Each time I would normally log on I am going to read over my verse for the day. If I am curious about what others are doing, I am going to pray for them. I need more time with my Daddy. So He gets priority this week. A chance to get things back into perspective of where my priorities need to be, and all the more important as the journey continues onward. One step at a time, trusting in Him, "Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you." (v. 8)

I am trusting You to be enough for me. I am trusting that I am good enough, because I am Your daughter thanks to the blood of Your Son. I am trusting You with my heart and my fears as I follow You on the journey. I am trusting. I am trusting.

_lml

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