Beach

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life we forget to take time to recharge. Or maybe it's just that we don't prioritize taking the time? Or maybe we plan the time for something else entirely and don't realize God has it planned as a time to replenish us? Whatever the case may be, this weekend was a chance for me to recharge from the stress of life, and I had no idea that was what was going to happen.

Our Student Leadership Team, SLT, from the youth group went to Pacific City for a day and a half mini retreat. This was a chance for us to spend time together, have fun, and most of all, prepare for the rest of the year in ministry together. I had my reservations about going. My stomach has been acting up for about 2 months now, and I already have an overly sensitive tummy as it is! Plus, I haven't been at any of the SLT meetings since school began as my schedule is not allowing me to go. At the same time, I have a lot of homework to get done that can't been done at the beach! Nevertheless, I went on the retreat.

After we arrived we started our time together by splitting into groups to go over Galatians 5. We've been learning about reading scripture using TCIA: Text, Context, Implication (gospel implication), and Application. As we went through Galatians 5 I was encouraged to see all the different insights we came up with as a group and how the main thing we were all learning is that it really doesn't depend on us; its about God working in and through us (if He so chooses).

Then we went down to the beach and did some lil' hiking. The views were spectacular and I could have staid there all day enjoying the beauty of Gods creation. And as if the views weren't enough, we got to see a family of seals swimming in the ocean! So cool! We hiked up to the top of a giant sand dune and then all proceeded to run down it (some of us slower than others)! I'm reminded again of why I need to get in better shape when I'm with these teens! We never do anything simple! Yet I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world as we always have a ton of fun. Next we went over to a different spot on the beach to watch the sunset together. The group went down to the water and I sat on a small cliff of sand. I plopped down, started praying and crying. I would switch between watching the group and laughing at their silliness to basking in the beautiful sunset God was painting. I was free to just spend time with Him, being vulnerable and weak while surrounded by His beauty. It was perfect.

We went home and had fun playing games and just being together. I was able to have a great one on one conversation with one of the girls that reminded me of why I love these guys so much. We are a family. We're there for each other, we love each other, we pray for each other, we support each other, we have fun together, and we encourage each other with the gospel truths. We really are a mini family. This conversation was able to provide some healing to an open wound on my heart. The advice was great and God used her words to remind me of the truth and I am so thankful for that.

This morning when I woke up I started with a hot shower (which was a task as I had to first find the water heaters for the girls half of the house, then figure out how to turn them on!) and then I was able to spend time alone with God. I started off in Psalm 31 as the group had been talking about it last night. Verses 9 & 10 stood out to me, "Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and body also. for my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away." I felt as though the cries of David were the cries of my own heart. The pain he was feeling was what my body is feeling. Between my stomach being silly, being denied financial aid for school and having no job, for all the emotional, physical, and spiritual things that are going on. This is what I feel! Yet as I was looking out at the large rock protruding from the ocean, seeing a low layer of fog and a stunning sunrise, I was reminded of Psalm 61:1-3 " Hear my cray, O God, listen to my prayer; form the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." God is my foundation, my everything. I'm resting in His hand and nothing else matters. Part of v.2 stood out to me as well, "I call to you when my heart is faint." I don't want the only time that I call out to God to be when I am faint. I want to be having this same intimate relationship with Him in the good times, not just when I am weak and vulnerable. Yes, I desperately need Him now, but I need Him no less when life is good.

My weekend was the perfect get away for the recharge I need for my soul. I had a great time with fantastic people that I love and more importantly, was able to spend as much time as I wanted/needed with God without distraction. Nothing else could have been better.

Motivation

Today was a day of revelation for me. This morning as I was standing in my living room signing songs in worship to God my heart started to open up again. As I as driving to church the thought crossed my mind, I have lost sight of my passion. My priorities in life have gotten out of order. How did I let this happen?

I believe it happens in small little every day decisions. As I was preparing to start this term, I made some life changing decisions. After discovering that my parents wanted to help me pay for schooling this year, I made the decision to stop working so I could further concentrate on my studies. Now, I do not regret that decision, however, I do believe it helped me to get my priorities out of order. My focus in my day to day life became my studies at school. To be putting forth my absolute best to get the A's for my grades. To prove that I was good enough to pass the QE (qualifying exam) and get my internship. Now, all of these are good things to be striving for. However, if they are getting in the way of our walk with God, they are no longer good. My priority had shifted from using the skills God has given me to glorify Him, to instead glorify myself. No wonder I have been so stressed out and unsure of where I stand. I'm signing for myself and not for God's glory. There is no satisfaction in that.

The same thing applies to our lives in relation to the Gospel. Many times we go through life thinking that if we're just good enough or try hard enough God will accept us for who we are, sin and all. If that were all it took, then why would God send His Son to die on the cross for our sins? He willingly paid the price so that we didn't have to do anything aside from believing in Him. End of story. Even if we believe this, we still often try to do more. We try to follow all the rules. To be good enough. To prove our worth. Essentially all we do is a slap in the face of God. Its saying that we don't need Him, that the gift He gave of Christ dying, that wasn't enough. We're still living as though we need to do something more to prove our worth. Yet Isaiah 64:6 says, "We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment..." in other words, even if we try to do something good, its still no better than a dirty tampon (polluted garment). So, why am I trying? Is there a point? No. There isn't.

So yes, scripture talks about this a lot in relation to the Gospel (for example Gal. 5:1-15), but at the same time, the same principles apply to many aspects of life. My priorities have gone out of order as I put my ability to pass a test above my desire to use the skills He has given me for His glory. My prayer is to let go of the opinions of those around me. Yes I still need to put forth my best effort, but not for the same reasons. I will give my best so that He may be glorified. I will not give my best just to pass a test and feel good about myself. I am only here because this is where God has directed me. If I take Him out of the equation, anything I do becomes polluted garments.