Change

Do you like change? I like the type of change that I can control. When change is all around me and 90% of it is out of my control, I don't like it. In fact my reaction is to fight it. To come out with arms swinging until I am completely exhausted and broken to realizing the change just might be the best thing for me right now. 

Recently one of my best friends asked me if I had read my last entry in my blog recently. I hadn't been on here in forever so I had no idea what my last post was. I find it funny that I last wrote about Trials. The changes in my life are just a bunch of huge trials. How is it we can learn a lesson and then forget it so easily? My body is still battling the issues with food. Still rejecting so much of it. My journey with school is over for the minute. I did not graduate the program, but I did finish it. I'm working full time. I moved and love my new place, it's within walking distance of the church (and many other things.) Yet I feel as though my life is crumbling in pieces all around me. The reality, I'm learning that it's not falling apart but rather, I am not in control.

As I struggle to even express what I'm feeling I try and pour out my heart to God through writing my prayers out in a journal. Even my words aren't flowing smoothly. The past couple of days I have been given a verse of scripture that is clearly from God. Yesterday it was Isaiah 65:24 "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" (NLT) What a comforting reassurance. To be reminded that God already knows what is going on and He is working it out. He is answering our prayers according to His will and purpose. My problem is that too often instead of looking to God and seeing the situation through His eyes, I am too busy looking at the situation around me and seeing it from my perspective. So while I'm not the biggest friend of change, I'm learning that a change of perspective is exactly what I need. 

Awesome God, please help me to see things through your eyes. To look at the situation and seek Your will and guidance for every step of the way. Help me to not see it as change but to see it as a new direction that You are leading me in. I am trusting You. And when I doubt or question, "help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). Do what is necessary to draw me closer to You and in a way that brings You glory and honor. _lml